Trying and failing to land a boyfriend? Struggling to lock him down? If you can’t seem to reach the boyfriend-girlfriend status, you may be playing it all wrong…
Dating Mistake: Coming on too strong—Let him pursue you, he likes the chase!
This may be hard for feminists to hear (I am all about breaking down gender roles), but when it comes to dating early on (I’m talking about the first 1-5 dates), you may have the most success if you allow the man you are interested in to pursue you.
I know this may be really hard if you are a confident, go-getter, independent woman (cue Destiny's Child's song), but there is something to be said for the initial chase of a new relationship. He wants to feel masculine. He likes a chase. Let him work for it! This is key to getting a boyfriend.
I don’t believe in playing games or creating rules around dating, but there is an undeniable pattern that I have noticed to being asked out on a second, third, fourth date...and landing a boyfriend. If he pulls a Houdini (when poof, he disappeared), then you may be sending the wrong message.
I have found that those women who get into exclusive dating relationships typically take on traditionally feminine roles. I’m not saying to change your personality or be someone you’re not—this person is ultimately trying to get to know you, so be comfortable in your own skin! However, there may be little ways to tweak your behavior.
If you really like to take control, plan dates, or tend to come on too strongly (either sexually or through emotional attachment), try these three tips to increase femininity without changing who you are:
TIP #1: You can still initiate contact during online dating—by all means be the first to check out his profile, send a “flirt” or initial message. Show him you’re interested by making flirtatious comments or entice him by saying you’ll tell him more when you meet in person, but ultimately let him be the one to ask you out. You should also allow him to plan the first date.
TIP #2: If he catches your eye when you're out and about, flash a smile, hold lingering eye contact, or break the touch barrier. These are signals that you're interested and available. But don't tell him how attractive he is or that you're single and ready to mingle. Non-verbal body language says it all!
TIP #3: Don’t continue to call, text, or message him if he’s not responding. No, he didn’t lose your phone number, email, Facebook, Instagram account and dating profile. If he’s into you, he will contact you. Sometimes guys say things they don’t mean to avoid feeling uncomfortable or disappointing you. So if he said he had fun and that you two should do it again sometime, but then does not follow up, he may have been too scared to tell you to your face that he’s just not feeling it. Dating is like ping pong—you hit the ball once, and the other person has to hit it back!