11 Telltale Signs of Emotionally Unavailable Men

Are you dating an emotionally unavailable man?

Are you dating an emotionally unavailable man?

Think it’s going well and then you've been ghosted? What's up with that, Casper? I’ll tell you—he’s not emotionally available!

Are you having lots of hot sex but when it comes to meeting your friends, he’s conveniently busy? He’s not available!

This guy may be looking to take a car out for a test drive, but when it comes to buying the car, he doesn’t pull the trigger. Basically, in his mind, you are a sexy Lamborghini, but you deserve to be treated like more than just a fun joy ride. 

Stop investing your precious time and mental energy into an emotionally unavailable man.

He should be pursuing you, making plans with you, and calling you.

For instance, when a man is very into you, he'll want to hear your sweet voice. If you’re only getting texts or snap chats, that’s lazy when it comes to love. Stop making excuses for his behavior.

If he lacks confidence, or is shy, you can always take the reigns by letting him know you’re interested—either directly, or through flirtatious non-verbal behavior, such as eye contact, smiling, and breaking the touch barrier. If he doesn’t take the bait, sadly, he’s just not that into you.

Here are 11 signs that he’s emotionally unavailable:

1.     He does not discuss emotionally intimate topics, such as his core values, fears, vulnerabilities and dreams

2.     He will use sex to gain intimacy, instead of using intimacy to gain sex

3.     He uses “me” instead of “we”

4.     He does not accommodate your schedule to hang out

5.     He blows you off or flakes on you—you are not a priority

6.     He does not seem proud to have you on his arm or show you off in public

7.     He is not eager to meet your friends and family, or excited to introduce you to his own

8.     He does not put in effort to win your affection—emotionally available men plan thoughtful dates, give you meaningful compliments, and show up with “just because” gifts

9.     He is not open to trying your favorite hobbies or exploring your interests

10.  He does not comfortably plan and talk about the future with you

11.  He does not make you feel safe and secure in what you have

Basically, his actions need to match up with his words. He can feed you lines that roll smoothly off of his tongue, but if he isn’t showing you through his behaviors that he’s into you, then he’s probably emotionally unavailable.

Now the hard part—if you’re picking up on red flags that he’s emotionally unavailable, bring up your thoughts and feelings, and if he dodges the conversation, ditch him. Baaah-Bye!

Stop playing the "chill girl," waiting around forever in hopes that he realizes you are worth committing to. It happens rarely, and is the exception, not the rule. I’ve worked with too many women clinging on for dear life, only to feel disrespected, unappreciated, and taken advantage of later when he never commits.

Is he really worth your time? To answer that, turn inwards and reflect on your self-esteem. Are you being authentic to yourself? Ask yourself if your needs are being met, and whether you are compromising on any of your values.

If you believe you deserve more, and he’s unwilling to talk about it when you (calmly) address it, then it might be time to walk away with your head held high.

I’ll leave you with this quote: 

Men are like cabs. When they’re available their light goes on. They wake up one day, they decide they are ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom, that’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate. It’s dumb luck.
— Sex and the City

Keep dating, you’ll find a wonderful man with a green light, and most importantly, you deserve someone who is able, willing, and excited to be in a relationship with you.

Read Samantha's article "10 Inspirational Quotes For A Happy Dating Life!